What Home Feels Like

I started this blog almost a year ago and I have written exactly one post. One. And I haven't shared it with anyone but one friend, my beloved Tina who writes the Gallavanting Monkey. She is always cheering me on but still, I have steered clear of writing. Afraid. Of what? That my life had gotten too crazy? Too boring? Too different than what I expected it to be? Who knows... but I haven't written at all. Not one word really. And now, in the heat. With Jos gone on a business trip. The dogs snoring as they nap and cool down on the bricks. Heidi napping upstairs. Somehow, now I feel alone in the best sense of the word and I feel ready to try to write something again. We'll see how it goes. But getting this first set of words out is a start. What encouraged me? My home. My friends. And this very lucky life I lead.

I have had some really interesting career experiences lately (I won't bore you with the details - at least not this post), and they have gotten me to reflect on what's important to me, all the way down to my core. It's been a while since I have had an experience like this and never have I done this without some form of writing. So, I feel inspired.

Also, last weekend was really special. One of those moments in life where it feels like, right, this is what I live for. This experience. This moment. It was the first time some of my dearest friends from NYC visited. It was just so vibrant. So nurturing. So fun. Energizing and relaxed at the same time. We had a party. And we drank. And we ate. And I was quiet. And happy. Content. To have the home I have always wanted. With the people I love so much making memories. At one point I looked out over our deck and into our dining room and I felt deep content pass through my body. Our lives have changed so much. There are babies and toddlers and new faces and lots of history. There are theatre careers and non-theatre careers. But we all share a deep desire to live life with passion. Fully. And the feeling and experience inspired me to write. To remember that my career is just one part of "me". How important it has been to express something of who I am through words. So here I go. We'll see where I take it. But today, this day, I had this to share. And I did. So, that's a start.

Expressions

It's Monday night in Seattle. Thanksgiving week. I am here in our office. In Madrona. In our home. My partner Jos and me. My partner. It's still new to say sometimes. I feel such joy in our life. In our home. Here in Seattle. Fall brings the feelings that fall brings for me. Quiet. A need for solitude. Hibernation. An inner peace and a healthy dose of melancholy. I love the fall in Seattle. The cold rains. The leaves falling. The sound of the wind as it cracks through the branches. 

I sit here among the boxes of our new home computer. Staring at this giant screen. And you know, I just had the urge. Finally. To write again. To share. To give my voice out to the world and not get stuck inside my head. The last year and a half has been so fast. So deeply, intensely fast. You see. I am 35. And I just came out. And I just found the love of my life. And we told our families. And our friends. And our co-workers. And well, when that was done, we bought a house. So, as you can imagine. It's been fast. And busy. 

And now,  we are doing things like participating in the Christmas light hanging workshop in our neighborhood. And walking the dog. And I am thinking about getting Chekhov off the shelf to read again. And it feels good. To have this life. And to write. And not worry. About what's next. This is next. And then this. And then... well, this.